Weekend Redux

Gosh, I remember when weekends used to mean REST. I know it's supposed to come back some day, but that's probably the one thing I miss most about not having kids : being able to just let the time go by on weekends, rather than run frantically after every stinkin' minute.

You'll remember from Friday's post that Phil was at a kite festival all weekend. Since I've got little or no knitting content today, I thought I'd give you a run down of my weekend.

Here's what Saturday looked like:

• Wake up at 6:23 AM. Go downstairs, have breakfast, jump in the shower so Phil can leave ASAP.
• 8:00 AM : Get both kids dressed, teeth and hair brushed. Strip all beds, change all towels, and lug all laundry downstairs. Do laundry while playing with kids. Start to comtemplate having a stiff drink. After all, it's happy hour somewhere, right?
• 10:30 AM : Hand off eldest child to kind and doting grandparent to take to her skating lesson. Proceed to dry cleaners' and grocery store with youngest child.
• 11:45 AM: Arrive home and put away groceries, do load of laundry, frantically prepare über-nutricious lunch (Kraft Dinner and Hot Dog wieners!) for eldest child's arrival.
• 12:00-12:30 PM : Have lunch, clean up lunch, set up Peter and the Wolf DVD to entertain children while laundry is folded.
• 1:15 PM : Put youngest child to bed for what will hopefully be a 2-hour nap. BEG eldest child to please play computer game while Mum shuts her eyes for just. one. minute.
• 1:16-1:34 PM: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
• 1:35 PM : Go upstairs to soothe youngest child, who seems to be under the impression that it's time to get up now, back to sleep.
• 2:05 PM : Realize that resistance is futile. Go back upstairs, retrieve cranky youngest child from bed. Dole out snacks. Do laundry, muse at the pile of handknits accumulating next to the sink and realize that there is no more Soak Wool Wash in the bottle. Seize the opportunity to get the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks out of the house and call Robyn, friend and purveyor of yarny-goodness to see about purchasing some.
• 3:00 PM : Arrive at Robyn's house. Shoot the breeze (quietly! both her cherubs are asleep), feel mildly guilty about disturbing quiet couple time and hope Robyn's husband Jamie isn't giving the evil eye behind my back.
• 4:15 PM : Leave Robyn's and start to panic that there won't be enough time to pick up present for eldest child's friends' birthday party on Sunday. Feel guilty because any "good" mother would have been on top of that already.
• 4:28 PM : Arrive at Zellers. Run to toy section and select appropriate "girl" toy at random. Thank lucky stars that children don't choose this moment to throw a fit because they're not getting anything.
• 5:30 PM : Get home, set kids up with toys, decide NOT to wait until Happy Hour and have that beer RIGHT NOW. Prepare über-nutricious dinner (breaded chicken fingers and french fries!)
• 6:45 PM : Put children in bath, sob that today is "hair washing day" but get over it.
• 7:15 PM : Go back downstairs and watch Wall-E for the 157th time with both cherubs. Crack open second beer.
• 7:45 PM : Put youngest child to bed.
• 8:15 PM: Put eldest child to bed.
• 10:00 PM: Try not to launch into vitriolic ramblings when husband arrives home and raves about what a fantastic day he had, and doesn't he have the greatest wife ever for letting him go today.

And Sunday:

• 4:50 AM: Listen to youngest child mumble and screech in his sleep. Check on him every 25 minutes or so until 6:30 AM, when husband gets up and retrieves both children. He seems to have understood that if he had not done this, marriage would have been in jeopardy.
• 7:00 AM: Stagger downstairs to have breakfast.
• 7:30 AM: Go back upstairs, shower and get dressed, so Phil can leave ASAP.
• 8:30 AM: Get both kids dressed, then arrange for Phil to drop youngest child off at doting grandparents' house while I take eldest child to swim lessons and birthday party.
• 8:35 AM: Wrap friggin' present for friggin' birthday party.
• 8:37 AM: Realize that, despite having been reminded TWICE that eldest child would need her shoes at birthday party, said shoes are still at daycare, and sneakers that are "for home" are too small. Curse self profusely, and get arse out of the house pronto to make another trip to Zellers before swimming lesson.
• 9:05 AM: Run through Zellers, find size 9 sneakers.
• 9:35 AM : Arrive late for swim lesson. Sit and watch eldest child, who has apparently had Wheaties laced with speed for breakfast, jump up and down NONSTOP in pool. Laugh to self smugly as other parents' jaws pratically drop to the floor when knitting is pulled out of purse.
• 10:00 AM: Retrieve child. Listen to teachers' comment about how "enthusiastic" eldest child is in the water, and how we need to work on her "listening skills". Will do, lady.
• 10:05 AM: Go to locker room and get child dressed, hair dried and coiffed, and ready for birthday FUN!
• 10:30 AM: Miraculously arrive ON TIME to party. Drop child, whose speed rush is still going strong, off at party. Briefly feel sorry for the poor bastards who are going to have to supervise this bunch.
• 11:00 AM: Retrieve youngest child from doting grandparents house.
• 12:00 PM: Meet OTHER dothing grandparents at restaurant for brunch. Watch as youngest child dazzles older, red-headed female. Mentally skip ahead 15 years to when both children will be dazzling and dating. Shudder and "enjoy the now".
• 1:30 PM: Arrive home and put sleeping youngest child to bed. Realize there's a whole free hour stretched out before me. Briefly consider plopping on couch and knitting, but get sucked into vortex of guilt and instead: water plants, do laundry and ironing, and cook a ham.
• 2:30 PM: Reluctantly accept the fact that Phil is NOT coming home early and wake up youngest child to pick up eldest child at birthday party.
• 3:00 PM: Pick up eldest child, who is NOT happy to see me, at birthday party. Arrive home with one fully awake and one sound asleep child.
• 3:45 PM: Set up Wall-E DVD (again) and fold laundry. Thank the Lord when Phil finally shows up. Immediately call doting mother-in-law to go shopping. Make sure not to let the door slam me on the arse on my way out.
• 4:15-5:00 PM: Mad shop-a-thon with mother-in-law. The woman is a FORCE.
• 5:30 PM: Have glass of wine while making 2 suppers at once (one for later in the week).
• 6:45 PM: Take longer than necessary to clean up kitchen while Phil gives children their bath.
• 7:15 PM: Watch Peter and the Wolf DVD with kids, right up until 5 minutes before the end, when, seemingly for no reason, eldest child pushes youngest child off chair and onto the floor. Stop movie, put screaming banshee that bears a slight resemblance to eldest child to bed.
• 8:00 PM: Sit and knit, and wonder that I've made it through another weekend.

So tell me: how was your weekend?

Happy Knitting Everyone!