Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Finding your enthusiasm

On my journey from person who knits to Dedicated Knitter, knitting has gone beyond something I like and think is cool, and has become an essential part of my life. It's my stress reliever, my creative outlet, the way I tell my loved ones I care about them... But at it's core, knitting is still basically something I'm just really, really enthusiastic about.

That's why I got into blogging four years ago. It was a way for me to really explore knitting and what I thought about it, to interact with others who felt the same way as I did. It gave me an outlet through which to express just how psyched about knitting I really was.

Sadly, much as I'd love to spend my days playing with yarn, real life has this annoying tendency of getting in the way, you know? Work, laundry, cooking, shopping - all these things we all have to deal with - it all really cuts into the knitting time, you know? Thankfully, it doesn't cut into my enthusiasm about knitting.

This past week was a bit rougher for all of us chez Dear though, and while I was still knitting, my enthusiasm about it, or rather my impulse to share my enthusiasm with you all, was thrown for a loop, if you'll pardon the pun. We found out that Émilie's deafness in her right ear is most likely permanent, and even though she can still hear (after all, the left ear works fine), I think Phil and I were - for lack of a better term - in mourning over her loss.

Six years ago, we had a healthy, beautiful baby girl with all her fingers and toes. And then a cerebral tumour came along, a stupid, useless chunk of cells that had no earthly reason to be there, and tore up all our lives, hers most of all.

So yeah, I needed a moment. I'm still knitting (the purple socks are totally awesome, y'all), still thinking about sewing, and yes, still doing laundry (ha). I'm just having a hard time locating my enthusiasm to share it on this space. It'll come back.

Happy Knitting, everyone.


sapphireblue said...

I wonder if hearing aids or cochlear implant would help. I'm sorry about her hearing loss.

Well,just keep knitting and post when you can.

Chantal Boucher said...

Il y a des moments où nos passions personnelles prennent le bord...parce que la vie nous emmène dans des "ailleurs" qu'on ne voulait pas et ça nous prend toute la tête! On aime tout contrôler et c'est là qu'on s'aperçoit qu'on ne contrôle pas grand chose. Je sympathise avec toi. C'est un deuil comme tu dis. Qu'Émilie rebondisse dans la vie avec sa déficience sera le plus grand défi. Mais avec une mère comme toi, elle aura le meilleur guide, ça j'en doute pas.
PS J'espère que vous aimez vos chapeaux (Maryse m'a dit!)

Mrhide said...

no, hearing aids do not help since her hearing mechanism is fine, it's the cranial nerve that is not passing it on.

Chantal: J'pense qu'elles ont mis les chapeaux pendant 2 jours dans la maison ... donc oui ;)


Caroline said...


I'm sorry about the hearing loss.

cauchy09 said...

aw, i feel your pain. but i can also attest to the fact that deaf children do become vibrant adults every bit as successful as their full-hearing counterparts. the future remains quite bright.

tentenknits said...

sending so much love your way. i just *found* you and hope you come back to us soon. xoxo

Maryse said...

Je vous envoie aussi plein d'ondes positives!

dawn said...

Take all the time you need and don't worry about us...we'll still be here when you feel like blogging again.

Sinéad said...

You know I'm deaf in one ear too, and not 100% in the other one, and I do just fine. In fact, it's quite handy sometimes when you don't "want" to hear someone! I understand your upset, but she'll be fine. She's still your perfect little girl.

Laurie said...

Tara, I'm so sorry. I know it's easy to tell you she'll be fine, but so hard to adjust to having this happen to your beautiful daughter. But...I do know many people who are deaf in one ear. One of my favorite choirmates is...and he is NEVER off pitch. What a voice!

Yes...knitting helps. It got me through my husband's cancer diagnosis, and it'll help you through this. Knitting and friends, both virtual and IRL. :-)

Knit and Purl Mama said...

Sorry to hear about the hearing loss being permanent :( I was thinking the same thing that Sapphireblue wrote - would a hearing aid or something of the like work for her?

Emilie is a strong girl, a little hearing loss is not going to stop her from becoming the woman she will become.

Deep breaths. Sit back, relax, knit a few rows.

Maaike said...

Wow. I hope you and the rest of the Chez Dear family hold each other together through what I can only imagine is a tough bump on her journey through life. I'm sure that the roughest part of her life is over and that she continues to grow into a lovely and strong woman, like her mamma.

Lysa said...

Hello, I have just randomly found your blog.

Its ok to mourn :) I lost my hearing at 16 years old, and i have less than 10%, Im nearly 24 now and i am not an unhappy person for my loss... Just think your little girl will have an amazing sense of communication, reading lip patterns and facial expressions.

Please don't give up hope :)